Where Did I Come From?

Last weekend at a book sale I stumbled across this classic from my childhood, and snatched it up for 25 cents.


"Where Did I Come From?" by Peter Mayle (yes, that Peter Mayle, author of the books "A Year in Provence," and "A Good Year"), published in 1973. This, my friends, is the very same book our mother used to teach me and Amy about the birds and the bees. And, like many books of its time, it's hilariously frank, honest, and straightforward, with adorable x-rated illustrations (oxymoronic, but true).

The illustrations are made all the more adorable by the captions.

Under a picture of a baby boy staring at his penis: "It gets bigger as you get bigger."

Under a picture of a girl skipping rope with her dog: "Making love is like skipping. You can't do it all day long."

Under a picture of a baby about to sneeze: "It feels a bit like this, but much better."

I was expecting some questions from Declan about babymaking when I got pregnant with Molly, but so far our only conversation about it has been limited to this, in the car one morning on the way to school:

"Mommy, how is Molly going to get out?"

"I'm going to push her out." This was followed by a brief discussion about how Hilary and the twins were cut out, while Jonah, Erika, Declan, and Ronan were pushed out.

"Where are you going to push her out? Your belly button?"

Pause. "Where? At the hospital. Look, a school bus!"

Okay, so I can't put him off forever, but I'm certainly not ready to talk to him about sex. Especially because right now, he thinks it's so funny. In the morning, when I'm getting dressed, he often looks at me and shouts, "I can see your nipples!" His penis is now his best friend, and as such he likes to play with it whenever possible. This all makes me think he's a borderline perv, but Matty tells me it's perfectly normal... and will only get worse.

This weekend I took him in the shower with me because I was alone and needed a shower. He looked at me and said, "Is that your penis?"

"No, it's my vagina," (rhymes with Carolina, as the book says).

"What's a 'gina?"

Pause. "Look, a school bus!"

Maybe next year...